on gratitude & feeling valued

a reflection on my transition back to work

The first two weeks of the school year are officially under my belt.

After 2.5 months of summer break, it’s been exhausting to return to waking up early, ensuring I have a lunch packed (the first week back, I ate a lot of PB&Js), and ensuring life includes fun things too. I want to continue writing for this Substack, so when I sat down this week to consider what I wanted to share, I was at a loss. I try not to make all my conversations related to work, but when I had the idea to write about this, I knew it was what I wanted to share.

For those who don’t know, I work as a speech therapist at a high school.

Our first day with students also happened to be the Friday that rounded out our first week of work. After a long day full of calls, emails, student interactions, and then chores at home, when my partner and I finally reached the point in the day when we were sitting down and talking about our separate experiences, I cried.

I was telling him about all my favorite anecdotes from that day - some of my stellar jokes, how I navigated different problems, and analyzing different social interactions. But the moment that brought me to tears was when I told him about the interaction I had with a classroom teacher and her students at the end of the day.

Friday was freshmen day, and to help these students begin to understand the layout of the high school, build rapport with each other, and meet new teachers, the school set up a scavenger hunt with a bunch of prompts to follow. Near the end of the scavenger hunt, as I was heading back into my office, I happened to run into one of my teacher friends and her students.

She suggested, “Maybe Ms. Rose would like to join us for this picture?”

One of the ninth-grade girls stepped into my personal space and excitedly asked, “Yeah, do you want to, do you want to?”

I agreed, letting them know I just needed to run my stuff back to my office. And the teacher said they’d wait for me by the exit to take the picture outside. As I rushed to and from my office, I told myself I needed to be quick. To not make them wait, and hope they wouldn’t go without me.

But when I came down the stairs, there they were, waiting for me.

And the wave of gratitude and emotions that swept over me, seeing that group there… made my day.

Reliving this memory brought me to tears.

At that moment, this wave of immense gratitude swept over me. The words that come to mind when I attempt to describe how it makes me feel are valued and supported. As I reflect on why this is the case, I think about my first year working at this same school district.

My first year of work was not fun.

I was fresh out of graduate school, having never worked in a school setting before. My caseload consisted of 50+ students, a majority at the high school but some at the elementary school as well. I felt isolated as the only SLP in the building, my mentor was someone who did not work for the school district, therefore she didn’t know the answers to a majority of my questions, and I had to navigate an immense set of challenges - my growing anxiety included in this.

And don’t get me wrong, my friends from graduate school were right there with me. We loved complaining about the bullshit of our school-based jobs together. But these were messages I received in my tiny office, watching teachers travel in small packs by my door and chatting together.

I felt so isolated and left out.

Additionally, being an SLP on a teacher’s contract, I was working when teachers were working, but so many meetings, presentations, and happenings at the school just did not apply to me. While this was nice to have a little more freedom, it made me feel even more left out. New teachers were experiencing team-building experiences with their different departments while I sat in my office, worrying about how I was going to balance everything on my plate.

One of the biggest lessons I learned during my first semester is that there’s a difference between someone telling you about their struggles and then someone being beside you to experience them together. Perhaps this is due to the breadcrumbing I experienced or other life experiences that left me feeling as though people were inconsiderate and unable to be trusted - we can save that to be analyzed for another day.

Already, last school year is so different from this school year.

Perhaps I’ll touch on how I came to be friends with some of the teachers I know now and feel I can rely on during hard days at work. But just know, I feel an immense sense of gratitude within my life right now. And it doesn’t stop with work either - every comment or like I receive on one of my posts here feels like a warm hug. The texts I receive from friends to make plans, the leaves outside my apartment windows beginning to turn orange, and my partner making coffee for a sleepy girl such as myself.

I guess I’m just feeling mushy lately. :)

What’s something that has left you feeling grateful lately?

Let me know.

Until next time,

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